Friday, June 20, 2014

God's Heavenly Eros.


It pleased our Lord that I would sometimes see this vision: very close to me, on my left, an angel appeared in human form... In his hands I saw a golden spear and at the end of the iron tip I seemed to see a point of fire. With this he seemed to pierce my heart several times so that it penetrated to my entrails. When he drew it out, I thought he was drawing them out with it, and he left me utterly consumed by the great love of God. […] The pain was so sharp that it made me utter several moans; and so excessive was the sweetness caused me by this intense pain that one can never wish it to cease, nor will one's soul be content with anything less than God. --St. Teresa of Avila--

I have male friends who say that they prefer the nonsexual, intimate embrace (yes, cuddling!) to sexual intimacy. However, they say that while a man is sexually aroused he can't enjoy such an embrace because his strong sexual desire overpowers any other feelings. This is why some people (of whom I am not one) will say that a man needs sexual fulfillment so that his mind can be freed for other things--as if man is so controlled by his libido that it's not possible to function as a normal human being without frequent, periodic sexual release. (Say it ain't so!) 

Due to the Fallen human condition, often physical touch can cause one to experience sexual arousal regardless of his/her relationship with the other person (e.g. stranger, teenager, family member, same sex person, etc.). Often this happens on its own, without an action of the will. Sometimes such feelings can be misinterpreted and cause a person to sexualize the relationship. The disordered sexualizing of an otherwise healthy relationship (e.g. close friendship) can lead to experimentation and labeling of a person's sexuality (e.g. bisexual) or, at the very least, the loss of that relationship. But the reality may be that this person also experiences normal sexual reactions and simply needs to learn to avoid sexualizing relationships. If every fleeting instance of sexual arousal must be scrutinized as evidence in determining one's sexual identity, then no wonder people are so confused.

In addition to the physical reaction, humans experience intense emotional reactions. For women especially, an intimate relationship can lead to unhealthy levels of emotional attachment. Lovers should not meet in 'sweet slavery' to one another but rather should achieve unity of heart. This is not fulfilled by infatuation with and unhealthy dependence on the other. And just as we can sexualize any relationship, we can also develop disordered emotional attachments to any other person (spouse, sibling, coworker, even kidnapper: e.g. Stockholm Syndrome). None of this suggests that we should avoid closer personal relationships altogether, but we should be vigilant and discerning in all things.

Because Jesus said that no one is married in the Kingdom of Heaven, we know that everyone will be celibate. But we know that we won't be suffering because of it, so we must be freed from sexual urges and emotional attachments. We will be emotionally fulfilled by God and our emotional reactions to other people will be perfected and purified. So we will be able to form close relationships without disorder. In fact, the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual perfection we obtain will set us free for chaste physical intimacy with others. There may be a lot more physical contact in Heaven because we will no longer battle sexual urges. We will be the disciple whom Jesus loved, reclining on a loved one's chest.

However, eternal life without sex does not mean life without passion. The truth is, we will not need marriage because we will have a nuptial relationship with God. Remember, in Heaven we are all invited to the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. Jesus is the bridegroom and each one of us belongs to him in a special way. We will have a passionate relationship with Jesus--a relationship of lovers, as described in the Song of Songs. We will experience God's jealous love that fulfills all of our desires without sexual intimacy. We will be like Teresa of Avila in spiritual ecstasy. And if our experience of God's Heavenly Eros is anything like St. Teresa described it then, indeed, who could be content with anything less?

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Practice DOES make perfect!


Recently I was reminded of practicing with mom for a spelling bee. I would go off and work at memorizing the ridiculously long list of words and then mom would test me on the words I had misspelled last time. She wasn't particularly surprised when I still spelled most of them wrong, although with each new word she continued to hope that I would spell it correctly. If I had been goofing off when I was suppose to be memorizing, mom would have been upset by my lack of significant progress. But mom could see how hard I was trying and she patiently quizzed me over and over again, knowing that I really wanted to do well.

In a similar way, God helps us overcome our habitual sins. While I need to continue striving to overcome those sins: repenting when I fail, praying for extra grace to grow in this area, and resolving again to avoid future sin; I need to remember that God knows exact where I'm at spiritually. Although I have been concentrating on improving in certain areas, Jesus is not surprised when I fail and, yet again, commit the same type of sin. So long as I genuinely desire to avoid the sin and I'm doing all of the things that I know will help me achieve that (e.g. prayer and penance), then my heart is in the right place. Jesus knows that I desire to please him. And, in fact, he desires to help me overcome these sins. He is not angry, so long as I am repentant, and he patiently works with me to persevere in suffering, dying, and rising to this sin.

Psalm 145 states: "The Lord is faithful in all his words and loving in all his deeds. The Lord supports all who fall and raises all who are bowed down."

In a way, the Lord supports even those who repeatedly fall into sin. And the Lord raises even those who are bowed down by their own sinfulness and weakness, so long as they are humbly striving to the best of their ability to please him. The key is having contrition and a desire for continued conversion. In this case, with the help of God's grace, practice does make perfect!


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Learning from Jesus: How to evangelize.


I thought I would take a break from the love and relationships posts and share a shorter post inspired by a homily I heard a few months ago about Jesus and the woman at the well from John 4:5-42. This is the story of Jesus' seemingly scandalous conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well. She was out drawing water in the heat of the day, not wanting to be seen and knowing that no other women would be there at that time. Jesus stopped to have a private conversation with the woman of inferior breeding (such was the thinking at the time) and asked her for a drink of water. She was shocked that he would even consider drinking out of her cup. "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman," she said. "How can you ask me for a drink?" (This was one weird Jew.) Jesus then proceeded to tell her everything she had ever done. He knew her already without having met her. And so he offered her a drink from the spring of water welling up to eternal life.


Learning from Jesus: How to evangelize.
March 23, 2014

In today's homily, our priest pointed out the gentle way in which Jesus interacted with the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus spoke of her sins but not in a scolding way. He could sense that she was not satisfied with the life she was living. She wearily asked how she could receive the living water so that she would not have to be burdened by returning to draw water day after day. She was living in 'survival mode' as Mother Angelica calls it. She was too busy reacting to her many problems and burdens to reflect on her life choices, and she couldn't see a way out of that life anyway. Jesus showed her another way, a yoke that is easy and a burden that is light. He desired to give her the living water of faith, a fresh start in a new life that is free from the burden of sin which brings death. He wanted to free her from the prison she had made for herself. He offered her redemption.

Jesus knew that a genuine encounter with the Holy Spirit would change this woman's life forever and that she would repent and cease to live a life of sin. And he saw that she was open to the Holy Spirit. Therefore, there was no need for him to address her sins directly. This poor Samaritan woman knew that she was a sinner, and she was despised and rejected by the community because of her misdeeds. She needed love and hope and an encounter with the Holy Spirit.

However, there were those who committed grave sins and did not consider themselves to be sinners. The Pharisees and Sadducees were held in high esteem as models of righteousness. They presumed God's favor and took it for granted while committing a multitude of sins. There are two blasphemies against the Holy Spirit, the only unforgivable sin: 1.) to despair that one's sins are too great for God's mercy 2.) to deny one's sinfulness and persist in unrepentance. The Pharisees and Sadducees were in the latter group. While they obstinately refused to humble themselves before God, already perfectly righteous in their own minds, Jesus, who was literally free from sin, received John's Baptism of Repentance in the Jordan, in order to "fulfill all righteousness".

Unrepentant, the Pharisees and Sadducees would not benefit from the gentleness shown to the Samaritan woman. Instead they were faced with tough love, receiving frequent tongue lashings from John the Baptist and Jesus.

"You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?? Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance. And do not presume to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.'"

Sometimes tough love is the only way to shock someone into seeing their own sinfulness. This is one reason why the church has a process of excommunication, requiring one to produce good fruit (i.e. contrition and conversion) as evidence of repentance. Short of excommunication, other disciplinary actions can be taken to encourage repentance and protect others from scandal. It may not seem nice. But love is not always nice.