Monday, October 13, 2014

Still small voice.

I long for interior silence to stop the constant reasoning in my mind. I need to listen to the voice of God, but I don't know how. Maybe God will teach me if I just sit in silence for a while. Probably what I need is more silent adoration. Eucharistic Adoration is my refuge where I find peace. I think that perhaps God wants me to rest in His peace and grow stronger. I am a doer and something inside makes me feel guilty for resting. I think God wants to cure me of that. Allowing me to rest in Him is a way that God shows me His love. I need to learn to rest in order to experience God's love. Maybe I can let Him do the 'doing' for a while. Maybe listening to His voice is not always like receiving orders. Maybe I can listen to His breathing. Maybe I can listen to the voice of God singing a lullaby. Maybe His voice is simply telling me that He loves me. And I ignore that voice. I don't believe that voice comes from God. Because I expect the voice of God to be giving orders. I am accomplishment driven. I tend to show love through loyalty and effort. Maybe God just wants me to love, like I did at the beginning. I wasn't trying to accomplish anything. I just wanted to know God. I wanted to be His friend. Can I hear the brokenhearted voice of God as He cries: you have lost the love you had at first ?

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